so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
