He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
