Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
