I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
