did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
