ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
