The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
