She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
