Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
