wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
