Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
