try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
