get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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