Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
