you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
