my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
