so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
