You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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