Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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