Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
time to smoke my breakfast
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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