Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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