My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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