i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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