Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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