Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
