don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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