I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
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Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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