I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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