does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
