Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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