Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
