discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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