Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
