Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
