Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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