ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
