The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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