So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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