OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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