I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
