it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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