Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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