I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize