erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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