tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
