If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
