I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
