the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
