Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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