it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
