if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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