when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Never joke about your clitoris.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
