Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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