Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
did i just pee glitter
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
