A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
