i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
