Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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