well you can't waste a boner
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
