How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
