You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
