His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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