sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
