if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
