they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
