the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
