So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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